Friday, January 15, 2010

Seismologists to Blame for Earthquake in Haiti

I love reading reader comments -- which is sort of sadly ironic since I personally don't have any -- reader comments demonstrate the pulse of society. I love to read a well-turned opinion (that saves me from having to craft a response of my own.) But truthfully, I like the stupid comments best of all. Nothing tickles my gigglebox faster than a partisan knee-jerk response drowning in its own illogic.

Yesterday was truly a red-letter day for stupid fucking comments.

"Haiti produces zip, zilch, nada, (implied: why should we help them?)" (um...Rush? I know your fat ass has heard of sugar.)

"Great, another SOCIALIST regime OBAMA can support with our TAXPAYER money!" (so, you're cool with the Defense Budget and blowing up light brown people, but humanitarian missions to save dark brown people are a no-no. PS Haiti is a Republic. Hint: banana)

And so on and so forth, I don't know how a person can politicize a random national tragedy, but there were plenty of American idiots (read: Republicans) on board the Insane Train yesterday.

But, the best (worst) comment I encountered yesterday (that wasn't something Pat Robertson said) went something along the lines of:

"Where were the SEISMOLOGISTS during all of this? Why weren't they DOING THEIR JOBS? What do we pay the SEISMOLOGISTS for anyway?"

Yes, exactly where were those lazy ass seismologists? Those no good sons of bitches! They were probably just sitting around in their UNDERGROUND SEISMOLOGY LAIR playing Bioshock 2 in their underwear when the Earthquake Early Warning/Psychic Prediction Alarm went off. I can picture it all now:

Seismologist #1: "Hey, the Earthquake thingie is beeping!"

Seismologist #2: "Fuck it, I'm almost to Level 4."

Seismologist #1: "The readout majobber says there'll be a HUGE Earthquake in Haiti next week."

Seismologist #2: "Haiti sucks anyway, hand me that bag of Cheetos."

Seismologist #1: "Move over, I wanna play!"

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