I have this friend -- acquaintance really -- who, when within earshot, you really can't say anything without it being grossly misconstrued.
It's not that she misinterprets everything. I can tell her, "hey, get me a cherry Pepsi," and she'll come back with a cherry Pepsi.
No, no, it's more pervasive than that. Picture this:
I remind myself to bring a pen to the meeting. At my desk, I pick up the pen and then somehow I still manage to forget my pen.
My response: "Jesus, I'm fucking retarded today!"
Invariably she will say, "Don't say that about yourself."
Yes, yes I know. Power of positive thinking, blah blah, self actualizing language, yadda yadda you. As if I'm suddenly going to wake up one day with mental retardation because I actualized it by calling myself colloquially retarded.
You know what that makes me think? That makes me think SHE'S retarded.